It’s so painful to love someone who is scared to love you back! I gave in & I am so glad that I did.. . He asked me to allow him to make it up to me. It’s really hard and difficult for me I have strong intense feelings for him but he won’t listen acknowledge or move forward. So why am I writing this comment? I could go into a whole spiel about how and why, and he said and I said. I’ve been thinking today, “What is she scared of?” and the thought rings true. We are now friends and I have to accept that he can’t be more than that. I just stumbled upon this article and read all the comments and I feel for a lot of you going through similar things. Although it’s only been a few weeks, we seemed to have a real connection and the ice was broken fairly quickly and the relationship seemed to ‘flow’. Thanks for listening. Try not to allow your fear of getting hurt stop you from loving truly, deeply, madly. We get scared of love, and off we run. Haven’t talked to her since. (I believe this was related to her previous breakup and not to me, although her feelings of neediness and vulnerability with me might have triggered it.) Someone who’s going through fear of abandonment or a fear of a relationship and love isn’t trying to hurt you, they are hurting and trying to lessen their pain. We met up for a drink to discuss it further, i was doing most of the talking and I said to her that I do like her.. She didn’t really say much, however she did say there is something that makes me feel so comfortable with you. I just couldn’t get him to open up on my level of emotion and I was always left in the dark wondering why he was like this. He's too afraid. I envy your strength to detach for longer time, I can barely stay away for more than a day, also because he is running back to me the minute I give him space. I get hurt because of this and end things. So what did I stupidly do?… yes folks, I proposed. I wish my heart had the right words to say but words don’t do it justice. Last year I wasted 9 months to a man that I found out was engaged the whole time. to love and be loved back; it took a year of counseling to help me be aware of my guardedness and allow myself to be emotionally available and vulnerable with a man. She seemed to like them. If someone you love is telling you that she’s not ready for a relationship, then I think you need to respect her. This is affecting my life in so many ways. But that she really did like me. I’m terrified of being happy with him, of this being real. I thought this is my most awaited “Mr. We took each other by surprise when we finally saw each other again. I’ve met my recent ex 7 months ago, we split up a few weeks ago, because I told him I needed space. He tells me in some sort of ways that he misses me. I also witnessed domestic violence which tends to cause me to fear showing men any weakness. It was a year ago when I met a man online. In addition, she stated she’s a runner. A few minutes later, he came back, sneaking in thru the back but I saw him as I was leaving. Love doesn’t have to be foolish or naive — you can use your head in love! I’m sorry you and your boyfriend broke up. Required fields are marked *. But I don’t want to let go just yet. If anything does happen I will keep you informed bless. I’ve never had any experience with this sort of issue and I am completely lost as to how to approach this situation. I wish there was more I could do but there isn’t. After a little bit of thinking and more time, I decided to go ahead with things. His best friend of ten years. He told her she couldn’t come over and then when she did his bedroom door was locked.) You need to take a risk. Perhaps you are simply afraid to fall in love because of the possible outcome. She said she could be with other and hurt them without fear, but me, she couldn’t stand the thought of hurting me.So she loved me soo much, that she couldn’t love me because she was scared of it. Saying he wants to be friends. I am ok on my own, I cope, I survive, I work and I live. A night before she goes we have a wonderful date and I tell her I’m falling for her. I eventually found his new tel# & called. I told her I would never take off her friendship bracelet. This article makes a lot of sense to me. He took after me and we developed a bond, almost as if I was his father. Didn’t give me much of an answer as to why he was doing this besides he didn’t feel the same as before or his feelings changed. I KNOW that I am the right person for this but not only that I KNOW it’s what I want. I met a lot of guys after him but nothing was the same. I feel like my heart has been stabbed a million times a day. Nothing too big but enough for me to notice, I didn’t say anything because I thought I was being too anxious. It really really hurts. Sometimes it’s easy to ‘be there’ for them because in your heart you actually want them, really it’s best perhaps to just let them go and work out their own needs by themselves. I'm TOO AFRAID TO LOVE YOU means that if I fall for this guy, I give him ALL THE POWER To break my heart. It is so disappointing and frustrating when you’re in love with someone who is scared of love — especially when you know how happy you could be together! What difference does it make if she knows you love her? I met this women on a skiing vacation, a passion we both have. Or could this be due to the loss of his mother. This is a wonderful thing, but maybe you will need to come up with a plan B for how to live out your days in this (after all) beautiful world. She would ask me to do things and go places, send songs that reminded her of me and constantly tell me how much she wanted and loved me. Learning how to let go of someone who is scared to love you is painful, but necessary. Only a few days later she said she only wants to be friends. He always sent a text saying he was thinking about me or missed me. I told her about her brother & what he did but she didn’t want to get involved. You will empower yourself to make smart, healthy choices in your life. Because I’ve done some soul-searching and I have looked within myself to see where this is coming from. Me and this man really clicked together. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and I’m hollow inside now. It was strong. Counseling helped alot. If you pursue her, she’ll keep running away. We used to connect well, everything was perfect and I am so deeply in love with her and always felt that she is on the same page. but don't be afraid of love, like, it's the best thing in love, and if you're afraid of some person that loves you, you'll loose him so easily, cuz other girls will take him. div_id: "cf_async_" + Math.floor((Math.random() * 999999999)) . 3. Sometimes I get a mutual positive reply sometimes I get static. She is a very guarded person and has explicitly told me that the fastest way for someone to push her away is for them to tell her that they love her. Is this normal or am I thinking that this is what couples do? Read How to Guard Your Heart in a Relationship Stop Running From Love offers a simple, step-by-step approach you can use to move beyond your fear of intimacy and start building strong and lasting relationships. As the months went by we became closer and little by little he started to open up more and finally did say he trusted me. I actually thought that he was the one. Another problem is that this woman he loves is also afraid of being loved, of being hurt. I hadn’t found anyone like her before I met her, and I still havent in all the years after… As for now? So basically my current situation is killing me. to love and be loved back; it took a year of counseling to help me be aware of my guardedness and allow myself to be emotionally available and vulnerable with a man. From what I understand, she couldn’t really come to terms with the idea that she liked another girl. He always talked about having walls up and being very guarded of his heart. He came from a divorced home where his parents actually hate each other and still to this day, they refuse to talk to each other. Eventually we ended up getting together and actually having a face to face conversation and we hit it off. Kim. Obviously was a very trying time that left her damaged. In hindsight I see that was a flag. I’m 48 and he’s 44 years old. I was on top of the world that day. I have a weird relationship with a crush of 5 years. It makes me miserable daily. I’m here for everything. It’s really sad because we never even had a disagreement. I have a tendency for trying to be a white knight savior and that alone can’t be the solution. Your email address will not be published. I really love them both, and I get along wonderfully with the kid. I wasn’t either – I would never have gotten involved if it hadn’t been him and it hadn’t just happened little by little and if he didn’t live 500 miles away. Now she says she’s not feeling it. i think what happened is that at this point i failed her subconscious test. M afraid if I get hurt I won’t be able to love again like this . Soon I was trading the bedroom for a couch and time together became almost obsolete. Our eyes met and we went into (for lack of a better explanation) a trance. She told me she was no good. Why? I didn’t argue the point and didn’t let him know how much it hurt me. Really… for someone who scared of commitment…what proves it is the actual doing of it and so I bide my time and give him space and in a couple weeks or however long it takes, I’m there wholeheartedly to show him that I haven’t moved, that my love has not changed, that it’s everything I said it would be. Now giving her space. He had problems with anxiety as well and it was getting worse. If you are in love with some one who is afraid to love, be kind and gentle. I met someone while preparing to leave my husband and we fell in love with each other. he is just going to leave you!!! Sometimes the deeper the feelings, the faster and farther we run away. I know everyone says to wait but waiting hurts. I wanted nothing more to be by his side to help him get thru it. Two things you can do. Àmazingly, with all my issues & all the hurt I’ve been thru with family & relationships I am still open to love & trying. I have not much real life experience about love. I was devastated & scared, I thought the worst happened to his month. I say it may get harder and harder but then it’ll get easier and then you will have given that person a gift in the ability to love again. But do not tell her to much od how strong you feel for her. I met someone a while ago and started what I felt like was my first real relationship. We accidentally hurt each other. I’ve never even told him I love him, because of the fear that he doesn’t feel the same way and pushing him further away. More each day . I sent him a text message a couple days after we had that really long, intense eye contact. I don't understand I know you'll hold my hand So mourn your head and take your time. It’s a bit long: I figured these notes that I write for you have always been after an argument and about me apologising and that isn’t right so how about this. It’ll pass”, I thought the same thing.. but he makes me feel like no other person can make me feel. I am devastated, as I know that without that fear we would be together. I feel for you! Thank you for being here, and sharing your experience. I KNOW I can lessen his pain. We emailed for about a week and the conversation flowed so we decided to meet. I decided to wait but now, the wait is starting to take a toll on me. There was always excuses and blame as to why he could never get too close to me. She cares about me, a mutual friend tells me and every now and then I can see it but she’s very good at hiding her emotions. His dat doesn’t end until midnight.. sometimes 1am. Her names Tammy. To love one another. Their opening up and attraction to you is also real but their fear is real too. I have been in this chaser/pursuer relationship you describe for going on 20 years. He has told me he likes me so much but he will become distant and I won’t hear from him. Thanks Laurie for your kind words, having read the article it certainly gives food for thought, particularly the chase part. Like do I just show her what I wrote outta nowhere in hope that it pushes her over the edge. Any advice would be helpful and appreciated. She completely shuts me out. Even if you have a wonderful healthy committed relationship, you’ll still get hurt because we’re human. I was trying to work things out but really sick and tired of being ignored. Too Afraid Lyrics: I wanna change, but I don't know how / I've been trying to turn my life around / I've been to every party, every bar / Nothing thrills me in this city anymore / I guess I didn't Listen. When You’re in Love With Someone Scared of Love. I’m gonna lose it. Now it’s been 3 weeks and we’re falling into the same pattern. It’s already been a while but there is NO part of me that wants to give up on it. We were going to spend New Years together, but instead I came back and he broke up with me the next time I saw him. That fear came from a bad break-up from the past relationship, she still hasn’t, after 4 years, gotten over it. I love you. I don’t want to give you false hope but from what youv wrote I think you should let her know your still interested but don’t go in to hard.. We stayed together for about 5 years. Recently I wrote a blog post called How to Trust… Read More »5 Tips for Trusting Your Intuition in a New Relationship. When You Love Someone Who is Scared to Love You Back. It sounds like he knows what he wants — which is not to fall in love again, because he’s been hurt in the past! I found the process of breaking down my walls and learning how to love without being scared very, very difficult. It seems I am always attracted to unavailable men…(married, unemployed, in debt, drug problems), probably because they are “safe.” There is no chance of a lasting union…. It’s a pretty difficult situation since she has a 3yr old daughter and still lives with her parents. He said it was nothing to do with me. Second; respect your own feelings and take care of yourself, there is no shame in loving someone else. I finally found the word for it,love. His friend had then told me a few days later that he had recently broken up with his girlfriend of 4 years as she had been unfaithful. After we ended our relationship, we eventually started talking, seeing each other and having sex. Been a couple weeks since she went MIA. I am not very experienced in the world of dating but always wanted to be able love someone and have that love returned to me. Said I kinda feel like I´m trying to imprison a rare, beautiful bird, putting it in a locked cage. I’ve been into many relationships.. We think the same, we are always together, she comes to me about her problems and everything. If you ‘fit’ that well with her maybe she was faking some things? And for these reasons I am asking you with all my heart: will you go out with me? If I try and end it he won’t let it. That we might not have a future together. I AM SCARED TO GIVE HIM THE POWER TO HURT ME. How are you coping? I always tell myself that i need time for me. Are there any tips on what to do/how to deal with this? So for the next week we seen each other and we was both texing consistently about how much we liked each other and connected. There are so many sad feelings – from disappoinment to shock, disbelief to rejection. I, too, was very scared of love…but I didn’t want to be alone. She told me she cared about me soo much that she couldn’t see me because she feared she;d hurt me like she had everyone else in her life. I try not to date anybody anymore because I know I am incapable of letting myself be loved. I feel for you. I can’t leave him but can’t stay and not be loved. You need to decide if you can take a risk on love. I love him always but time will heal me and I know I will be better after this pain. This one, should be 1, but 1 incredibly suits you both so well to, but u both overthought, its just this simple as long as u didnt omit from ur divorce & past & she didn’t either, one door opens, when one closes, so it almost as if ur relationship is a gift from god throwing two good ppl a bone. Even though we lived together and were together every day, he never wanted to get married. I’m almost to that point. She said she lacked desire and she said she didn;t miss me. !” and as our relationship progressed, and she started loving me more, the dreams became clearer and more fervent. This is how men work, feminists be damned. He answered & when I said who it was, he tried to act like i had the wrong #. It is unfortunate you may have missed, are missing, someone so much better. I carnt believe I’m not on my own here.iv felt so lonely this last month. We talked all the time about our future together. 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